| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2005|03:10 am] |
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I’ve never felt more like a Jedi than riding home on my motorcycle at 3AM after seeing star wars episode 3. No review will follow. |
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| a book report, 7th grade style |
[May. 12th, 2005|10:36 pm] |
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature
Matt Ridley
Red Queen tells the tale of how human sexuality evolved. Matt Ridley summarizes scientists answers to important questions like “Why aren’t humans hermaphrodites or asexual?” and “What is up with the small waist wide hips thing?” “Red Queen” itself refers to the idea that no matter how well an organism evolves; the organisms surrounding it will always be evolving as well. Progression is necessary in order to simply survive.
Ridley explains the evolutionary version of the ladder theory, adding to it with examples from human studies as well as comparisons from the animal world. His ladder theory takes things one step further though, as he argues that even with monogamous relationships women are likely to cheat. While she may settle for a lesser man to care for her children, she will undertake surprisingly devious measures in order to upgrade their offspring’s genes. He even argues that the reason human females have no external physical indications that they are most likely to conceive is to give them this ability.
This revelation both disgusts and disappoints me and inspires me to the one thing that can biologically fight this phenomenon – have the best genes.
Another case he argues is that human intellect is partially if not fully the result of being bred to play a social game. Ridley presents other cases as to why it may have developed, but this seems to be the one he’s settled on. Humans are so smart so that they can manipulate and deceive one another in a battle for status and power. Another way that they utilize this intelligence is to amuse and delight their companions.
This leads me to an increased respect for the ability to manipulate and entertain. I haven’t really given these two skills the respect they deserve in the past and now that I see how strongly selected they have been, I feel like looking at them in a new light. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2005|12:47 am] |
Good weekend.
Friday – CEO came to talk. Had drinks with a manager afterwards.
Saturday – Went to gym. Did some great reading on an old professor’s research, will post some info later. Visited with mom and aunt/uncle.
Sunday – Went to downtown DC with mom and her friend. Saw American Indian museum, some modern art, some asian/Indian art, and the FDR memorial. Focus of the day was definitely on sculpture and other three-dimensional objects. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2005|12:44 am] |
My company’s CEO spoke today. Some of us “drank the kool-aid” and others were less affected. Ever the idealist, I drank heavily. He gave a pretty good talk, laced with many of the issues and topics that I have been seriously considering over the past few months. I found myself surprisingly well prepared to engage with his points, in no small part because of the amount of preparation I did before I started work. His most interesting subject focused on enabling human potential. At a retreat with my company’s other CEO and its COO, the three decided that they share a passion for enabling human potential, whether that potential is observed in a sporting event, encouraged in a really effective work team, or realized by the impact my company can have on its clients.
He went on to list the three key factors he saw in realizing human potential:
1. Don’t externalize blame / take direct responsibility
2. View life through the lense of the future (set goals/visualize/etc
3. Eliminate Fear
I don’t know how much I agree with his list, but he presented it in a well enough thought out way. What is most important is that as he spoke, I realized that enabling human potential is what unites my interests as well. Everything I am passionate about is for this reason. All the subjects that I have been exploring haphazardly without being able to commit to any of them unite in this one place. Short list:
Tools for enabling Human Potential:
Complex Systems (esp. Emergence)
Genetics
Technology – especially User Interfaces/Experience, mobile technology, content management systems, business process systems
Meditation
Exercise / Nutrition
Backpacking (counting this as a combination of meditation and exercise/nutrition)
Motorcycle (potential for speed, also tool for meditation)
Psychology (especially as it pertains to cognition, learning, and leadership)
Leadership
Professional Development (readiness for job interviews, knowledge of possible career paths, etc)
I have been waiting for a long time to find the one thing that I can focus on and only now realize that what I need to do is focus on the intersection of my interests. So, I have resolved to begin to unite my interests under this new banner. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|12:12 am] |
And how did she keep her hunger under control for almost 5 months?
"By being completely bad-ass."
~lyle
"at this point, I chalk it up to magic"
~ also lyle
getting back into a new diet tomorrow. really, just trying to impose some discipline in my life in some way. it's about the only way that i feel in control of anything.
crazy weekend, but this journal has enough drunk stories on it. i did buy some sweet new CDs too:
the soundtrack of our lives
velvet revolver
new queens of the stone age
new DMB live cd - the gorge
grateful dead greatest hits
i was actually looking for some kind of garcia and grisman CD and settled fro the dead greatest hits. these guys did some crazy rock/country/folk shit that sounds awesome, a lot like DMB in some ways. the old DMB, i'm talking two step actually. |
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| Optimism |
[Apr. 13th, 2005|11:38 pm] |
i watched a piece of a will and grace episode where will and grace are eating dinner with the brunette from sex and the city and her.. boyfriend? all of a sudden the brunette erupts in a fit of rage and pronounces that she hates will (gay) because if his eyebrows were any more plucked he'd be a (woman? something funny) and she storms out.
moral of the story? the hot brunette from sex and the city likes men who
A) have only moderately plucked eyebrows (will and grace)
B) are slightly overweight with shaved heads (sex and the city)
this gives me hope.
that's all. |
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| Discipline |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|09:47 pm] |
i’ve got potential
Discipline really kills me. Potential I have enough of. Planning I have in large amounts. Endless research and preparation comes naturally. Execution I lack. I talk a pretty good game, but I rarely follow through. Whatever it takes to separate me from the pack, I can’t muster the mental focus to achieve it.
breaking my back just to know your name
I broke my back every day in college for grades that no one will ever see. I get off on that. I need to find a way to recreate that motivation. I realize that it’ll be June before I get intellectually challenging work, maybe never.
when all I wanna do is try
Why can’t I just be content to watch Nascar, drink light beer, and breed? Or more realistically, grab a 6-pack on the way home from work and play xbox all night?
ready let’s roll onto something new
another one bit the dust today at work, we lost a mid-level manager on top of the two managers and two lower level people last week. no surprise to anyone. management is bringing in big brother to interrogate this week. I would probably be looking around for other opportunities myself if it weren’t for the compensatory perks of being temporarily ripped from my home in Chicago.
i’ve had it with this game
management gave me a typical cheer-up speech today. they insisted that most people in consulting get screwed the first two years of employment. this is likely bullshit. most people do consulting for two years and then move on to other jobs, but those two years are supposed to be challenging not sweatshop work.
heaven ain’t close in a place like this
compared to what I was promised, we’re sewing soccer balls with our teeth up here. hopefully the job market stays hot long enough for me to make a decision about things. |
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| world grieves |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|01:08 am] |
| [ | music |
| | jimi hendrix - can you see me | ] |
I heard that pope died while drinking a beer watching the basketball game Saturday. I finished my beer and went to see Sin City. It didn’t stop Michigan State from rioting. Life goes on.
I appreciate how all the on-line articles like to throw that pontiff word in there after the third or fourth time they say pope. I also appreciate how MTV referred to his holiness as the P-O-P-E. I appreciate how they write about him being the people’s pope, even though 12 years of Catholic education and mass did not manage to impress this in my mind. The incident itself concerns me, because there’s a possibility I could return to Catholicism either through service, marriage, or the education of children and I’m anxious to see if that possibility will become more likely based on the next pope’s actions.
Mr. Drudge has this to add to my commentary….
“ # 1 MOVIE IN USA WEEKEND POPE DIES 'SIN CITY' FEATURES A CARDINAL AS CANNIBAL, IN LEAGUE WITH A SERIAL KILLER WHO READS THE BIBLE, A CROSS IN JUST ABOUT EVERY SCENE... MOVIE FEATURES BRUCE WILLIS RIPPING A MAN'S PENIS OFF…”
As a male in the 18-25 demographic, the violence and sexuality was there to delight me and delight me it did. In the movie’s defense, Bruce Willis’ character shows a martyr-like level of selflessness - selflessness that literally gave me goosebumps. I will confess that the multiple decapitations and exposed breasts also gave me goosebumps. Drudge forgets that the movie also features a priest being shot point blank in a confessional, but amidst all the violence it’s hard to tell. |
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| i give up on paragraphs. |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|12:56 am] |
| [ | music |
| | jimi hendrix - are you experienced? | ] |
Things I should have told you:
1. I’m in the best shape of my life.
2. I live and work in Washington DC.
3. I hate my job.
4. My job is nearly guaranteed to change itself by June.
5. I have a corporate apartment, car, and money for food, so I have no expenses.
6. Having money doesn’t make me happy.
7. I’ve always had money, so it probably should make me happy but I’m just too inexperienced to realize it.
8. I practically live in solitary confinement five days a week.
9. Culturally, I am isolated. My roommate is black and I work with 2 canadians (one who is asian and the other who is muslim), a dozen or more indian born indians and a lesbian from the north east (might as well be Canada). I’m not omitting the white males, there simply aren’t any.
10. Reading popular science nonfiction really turns me on.
11. Flying is really overrated, except when you get sweet turbulence that makes you want to jump out of your seat and mosh in the plane.
12. I need a hobby. |
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| I was thinking, maybe we should go out on a date before we break up. |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|12:06 am] |
| [ | music |
| | franz ferdinand - i cheated on you | ] |
Dear Livejournal,
I’ve been cheating on you. Sitting around writing just didn’t make sense any more and when I did have time I was posting somewhere else. Sure I come around from time to time, but it’s only to use you to check out other people’s journals. Maybe I should take you more seriously, but I just can’t give up my extracurricular activities.
</3 |
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| resolutions |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|12:00 am] |
| [ | music |
| | i left my ipod charger at home. | ] |
I accepted a job in chicago. I'm moving sometime this month. It was easily the hardest decision I've ever made, so rather than joy I feel mostly relief. I went to a zen buddhist retreat last week. Being able to spend hours at the gym and preparing food everyday helps. I'm almost down to the lowest weight I was over the summer. I spent some time with college friends this week. I'm going up north with more friends for a few days. Then I'm going to chicago to look for an apartment.
New Years Resolutions:
1. Make conscious food and exercise decisions.
2. Practice daily. Live with attention.
3. Achieve a maximum performance ranking at work.
4. Network.
5. Compete in a sport.
6. Compete in a hobby.
7. Create lifelong friendships.
8. Keep in touch with college friends.
9. Establish a financial plan.
10. Read a book a week.
Habits to break:
1. Drinking.
2. Internet Browsing.
3. TV watching.
4. Moping.
5. Materialism.
6. Antisocial behavior.
7. Swearing.
8. Stumbling over my words.
9. Compulsive spending.
10. Short attention span. |
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| I'M DONE! |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|10:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dave matthews band - two step | ] |
I just got back from meijer and checked my grades... I PASSED!! I'M DONE!! I'VE GRADUATED! IT'S OVER.
phew.
final grades:
A- |EECS 481: Software Engineering
B |EECS 482: Operating Systems
C+ |MATH 215: Multivariable Calculus (Calc III)
C+ |PHYSICS 241: Electricity & Magnetism Lab
Total Credits: 137
Cumulative GPA: 3.309
done.
done. done. done. done. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|03:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | music |
| | johnny cash | ] |
tomorrow i find out if i graduate or not. if i found out that i did, then i will describe how it feels to be done with college. until then, i just feel anxious.
i chose a job, but i don't have a location yet - chicago or detroit? i may be forced to go to detroit, but if i'm not forced it will still be a tough decision. it's not the perfect job. it is a good job though, probably 85% of what i could hope for.. with potential for more. it's my the favorite of all the jobs i interviewed for, really.
i have worked out like a bad motherfucker this week, but tomorrow is the last day i will be able to use my gym. this could cause problems.
i shaved my head. everyone is surprised, but most agree that it is better than when i had long hair and that it looks relatively good on me. i may post pictures if requested.
i gave a neck massage today, only to become temporarily weakened by remembering how pleasant it is to have someone to give them to. hopefully, i will recover by tomorrow. the holidays are hard enough as it is.
i miss my motorcycle like crazy, something i had forgotten until it came up in discussion tonight.
a lesson? avoid girls and motorcycles, unless they're in season. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|12:23 am] |
| [ | music |
| | death cab for cutie - something about airplanes | ] |
got my first offer monday for a software development job in evanston, just north of chicago. still waiting eagerly to hear from my other top choices. kind of surreal to think that i'm going to be working in the real world soon.
in the last two weeks i visited california, illinois, ohio, and virginia in my job search. i may go to north carolina in december.
decided not to go out tonight for traditional we-have-a-break-so-lets-get-drunk night. perhaps tomorrow. spending the night catching up on homework instead.
pretty bored with my social life here at school. haven't really felt like investing into it lately, with a likely move coming so soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|01:33 am] |
| [ | music |
| | counting crows - anna begins | ] |
went to mitch's(bar) for the first time tonight.
heard the kinkiest sex story i've heard since i got to michigan.
drank a pitcher of the beast (to erode any possible calorie deficit from lifting).
went to bed.
tomorrow holds class, a motorcycle ride, and skeepers (bar).
should be a good day. |
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| not really |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|09:11 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | audioslave - show me how to live | ] |
school has been rough so far. i don't know what classes i want to take or what i want to do with my life. my schedule is ugly, but entirely of my own choice. my apartment is totally sweet though.
the new IM building rules. i wish having a sweet gym made me stronger. i proudly lifted as much as my brother, which would make me more proud if i didn't weigh 80 lbs more than him.
| exercise |
weight |
sets x reps |
| bench press |
135 |
3x6 |
| incline bench press |
105 |
3x6 |
| decline dumbbell fly |
30 |
3x6 |
| flat dumbbell fly |
30 |
2x5 |
| bent over dumbbell row |
50 |
3x8 |
| chest lat pull down |
175 |
3x8 |
| weighted abdominal nautilus
machine |
80 |
3x12 |
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| recap |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|06:18 pm] |
I realize that I have forgotten to keep up with the most basic of postings. So here is a quick recap.
Past:
Finished working.
Moved back downriver.
Sat around for two weeks.
Future:
Cedar Point wednesday. (expect post about how my motorcycle is way better than rollercoasters)
South Carolina next week. (expect posts about family and more laziness)
Back in time for move-in and first home football game (Saturday before labor day)
Last semester of school begins. (expect much griping)
Searching for A) a job or B) enough letters of recommendation to get me into a completely undetermined graduate program. (expect nothing)
Have not yet received full-time offer from Eli Lilly due to hiring freeze. Will not know about said offer until early October. (total drama)
Progress:
Got lazy at home, have actually lost some of my exercise/diet progress.
Got better at shooting pool and playing settlers of catan.
Allergies worsened immediately upon moving back home to live with 2 cats and a dog.
All reading has stopped in favor of staring at DirectTv. |
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| facts |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|01:03 pm] |
1. I am bad at returning phone calls
2. I drank 1/2 a fifth of barcardi, 2 shots of jager, 3 jagerbombs, and 3 miller lights last night.
3. Skirts are hot.
4. My motorcycle is no longer an adequate substitute for girls.
5. In almost two weeks of being unemployed, typing this entry is the most productive thing I have done.
6. I’m not the master of anything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2004|10:39 pm] |
countdown: 3 days left of work.
today was my final presentation. i spent some time talking about my work and then about my general experience, lessons learned and whatnot in front of about 30 people. it went pretty well, sort of my first real-life "presentation." this whole internship has been one big real-life experience. that said, i'm not really sure how much i like real life.
tomorrow i have three of my five interviews. which means another day of wearing a suit. i really dislike suits. the only good thing about wearing this damn suit is that, by not fitting, it reminds me how i've lost 15 lbs since i bought it in june.
interviews here are strictly "behavioral." that means that instead of technical questions about past projects and courses, they like to ask questions about how you have performed in prior situations, especially in relation to teamwork or coping with difficulty. this is a real touchy-feely process, to move up in the ranks you really have to be able to introspect and be aware enough to answer deep questions. it's really different from most jobs. nobody ever sat me down while i was selling books at Border's and asked me how i felt. i was supposed to prep for questions tonight, but instead i took a nap and watched tv. now, bed. ambition waning.
Jesus, a friend in the better times
let your mother's bible burn
freedom, a fever you suffered through
and the dog drank from your cup
frozen, the river that baptized you
and the horse died standing up
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2004|12:38 am] |
funny story: friday night i go out and crash at another intern's apartment. saturday morning i roll in, open the fridge to get some ice. fridge is half empty. i open my roommate's food cupboard -- empty. his room -- empty. cleaned out. my roommate moved out without telling me! we never really talked much anyways, but jesus.
it's with no deep sadness that i realize this is one of the last journal entries i'll make from indianapolis. i'm ready to get back to michigan and get away from this silly job. i've got one presentation, 5 interviews, 3 one-on-ones, and about 10 pages of documentation between me and freedom. i'd say that i might miss the income, but i won't. i banked the last three paychecks without even spending any of them. true i have to pay my parents back for the bike, but if i didn't i'd be freakin loaded.
looking forward to rejoining academia and college social life. we work so well together, why did i ever leave? |
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